Saturday, November 7, 2009

Cash Money is an Army

So, Michael, my New Orleans native comrade-in-painting, thinks he can out guess me on the football games.

Here's what he's predicting. I'm glad there's no money riding on this.

Washington vs Atlanta- Its really a no brainer. Atlanta knowing it has to keep pace in the NFC south will have to win this and every other game or they will lose even hopes for a wild card slot. ATL big... maybe by 21.

Arizona vs Chicago- Both teams have identity crises. I want to go with Chicago this game but I think Arizona wins it in a close one. Arizona by 3.

Baltimore and Cincy- I think Baltimore was embarrassed by the last loss to Cincy and that's enough fuel for the fire. The only caveat to this game being the obscene penalties the Ravens defense is capable of. If they control their emotions, Ravens win by 7. They had the last game but blew it with penalties.


While others are predicting the Panthers to take down the Saints as their upset of the week. I'm going with Houston over Indy

Houston vs Indianapolis- Houston has been playing good ball the past few weeks. Moats seems to have something to prove and Slaton seemingly wants to lose the starting job by fumbling his way out of it. Indy loses their Safety and their starting Corner this week, combined with a backup kicker. Prescription for a shootout. However, I think Houston's D will be better than Indy's. Indy is the first of the last two winless teams to fall. Houston by 7.

Kansas City vs Jacksonville- I feel sorry for these poor fans. I know, I used to be there when the Saints were the Aints. This game has potential to be the lowest attendance in Jacksonville history. However, I pick Kansas to be the one legged loser in an ass kicking contest. Jacksonville by 14.

Miami vs New England- GOD I HATE JOEY PORTER. Joey, please, FYI, shut up when your team is losing. I get so tired of his commentary week after week. I'm hoping New England knocks a snot bubble in his sorry azz. I hate New England, but after some soul searching, apparently I hate New England much less than I hate Porter. Boom. NE by 17

Green Bay vs Tampa Bay- Ohhh no... Green Bay has no film on the new Tampa starting QB. That might ... nevermind. It won't matter one iota. Tampa is probably wishing they stuck with Gruden by now... and as he sips his pina colada after getting his makeup refreshed during half time on his new Monday night gig, I'm sure he is chuckling inside. Packers by 21

New Orleans vs Carolina- I know the Panthers haven't lost in the Superdome since the 2001 season and Jake Delhomme is 8-2 vs Saints, but you've got to go with the stats and not history. While Carolina may have come on in the past 3 weeks, I don't think their ready for the big boy pants yet. There is a reason the line on this game is the largest in Vegas this weekend. Saints are 13 point favorites in Vegas and 3 to 1 to win the Superbowl. They don't make these lines to lose money in Vegas. I'm going with the home team and will be one of the 12th man on the field in the Saints first 8-0 start in franchise history. Saints by 7.

Detroit vs Seattle- Really. This game bores me even talking about it. I'll actually take Detroit in this game I could care less about. Seattle has the potential to win it, but they don't know who they are right now. I'll take the hungry Detroit by a TD.

San Diego vs New York- You know, you would think the Giants would have enough pride to not let a 4 game slide happen here, but the past three weeks, when they have come up against some actual competition, the Giants are who we thought they were. And, I don think San Diego will let them off the hook. San Diego by 14.

Tennessee vs San Francisco- Hoooray that the Titans came out of the 0 win column, however, this won't be the game where they put a two in that win category. San Fran is playing great ball. They should have beaten Indy last week. I think the San Fran Linebackers will have a good time working Vince Young. Chris Johnson will be Chris Johnson and still get his in a losing effort because he is one of only 4 people playing on his team (not to mention my star fantasy football RB combined with Ronnie Brown). I'll take the San Francisco treats over the Titans by 10.

Dallas vs Philadelphia- This is gonna be a good game. I really don't like Dallas, However I think that a Philly win will only give them more confidence as we move into the last half of the season. I don't want Philly to be confident because if we have to play them in the playoffs, I'd like them to be that team that backed in. I think Dallas is the weaker team of the two by far, however, I'd rather have Dallas with the fluke win.... all in preparation for post season hopes that is. That being said. Philly takes it by 10

Pittsburgh vs Denver- Ok, so Denver was doing well until they got spanked by the Ravens. I think the spankings continue this week when Pittsburgh puts it on them. I actually heard talks 2 weeks ago of Orton being in the same class as Payton, Brees, Brady... Orton. Ummmm No. Orton feeds the ball to the burgh D this week. Defending champs win by 3.

Anne Siems

Check this out. I just saw a show of her work at David Lusk Gallery. There is also a show there of Don Estes's paintings, which is also quite excellent.

But if any of you are weirdo English Renaissance Franz Snyders Gainsborough Tarot perverts, this show is for you. It's really pretty wild. But be careful. If kids spook you, you will have the bejesus scared out of you.

Onward and sideward. I have had two consecutive weeks of 10-3 predictions. And I have outperformed every celebrity predictor on NFL Total Access. OK, everyone. Let's harness the power of the interwebs. If any of you out there knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Rich Eisen or any of the dudes at NFL Total Access, tell them that you know a guy who would be great at football commentary.

So here's what I think this week. The Ninth. We're past the halfway point. Groan.

Washington at Atlanta: At Atlanta. AtLanta. ATLanta. ATL by about 14. I think they're going to have a rebound moment right here, this week. That team is too capable to be playing as middle of the pack as they've been playing. Matt Ryan's going to pull it together and start firing one salvo after another. Michael Turner's production won't even matter.

AZ at Chicago: I feel bad saying it, but I think Arizona's on a downward pitch. And it's not because Kurt Warner's old. It's because their running game is too much half-and-half and not enough 100 yard days. And because those receivers don't really seem to be the ridiculousness that they were last season. And the Bears are probably not desperate yet, but can tell that it's going to get desperate if they don't win this one, at home, in the cold. Bears by 9.

Ravens at Bengals: It's not that I don't belive in the Bengals, it's just that I believe in the Ravens more. And, for the same reasons that make me thing the Falcons are going to roll, I think the Ravens won't give a damn that they're not playing at home and play like they are. And like they did last season and earlier this season when they would light teams up on both sides of the ball. They won't light up the Bengals, or that Bengals offense'll score a bunch anyway, but Ravens by 14. And it'll be a scoring festival. Maybe could be the best game to watch this weekend.

Houston at Indianapolis: Rod Woodson said that this was his sleeper upset for the week, and I really do see what he's saying about Houston being able to beat Indy because of Matt Schaub and all that. And I love that Ryan Moats is doing well, but I just don't see it happening. The Manningtron 2009 is running smooth. All systems go on that offense, so I'm not even sure it matters what happens on the defensive side of things. Colts by 10, maybe could be a slaughter.

KC at Jacksonville: People of Jacksonville. The NFL is gonna take your team away from you if you don't go to the games. Now, I know that Jake DelHomme should maybe not have been given that extension, and certainly isn't earning any of that paycheck, but your team is going to win this one. By a respectable margin I think, maybe even 17.

Fins at Pats: In which category of American male uber-studs do we place Tom Brady? Montana? Jordan? Bogart? Sinatra? I mean, this fool chose to go to the University of Michigan and I don't even hold that against him. And I hate the University of Michigan. Their god-forsaken kicker destroyed my first game in Notre Dame Stadium. I hate them. But this Brady guy is nuts. And the commentators are right. That incident with the Wildcat from last season will not be left unremembered. Watson will kill the shark. Pats by 21.

Green Bay at Tampa Bay: The Battle of the Bays. They need a trophy for this, like that wooden bucket thing. I'm still not sure why I need to be overwhelmed by the Packers, but I am damn sure that they're going to pound the Bucs. It'll be nice. Like a vacation in Florida, with a full dress practice. But maybe Freeman'll get a chance to do something exciting. Pack by a stack about 17 high.

Carolina at New Orleans: The only thing I care about New Orleans is if they're going to be this good if the Eagles have to play them in the playoffs. They're going to murder Carolina. Maybe they'll get so far ahead Daniel and Brunell can both get in enough to toss a touchdown or two. Saints by 28.

Detroit at Seattle: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Seattle by 14.

Chargers at Football Giants: Tee hee, the Giants are getting killed. I'm not saying that they're not good, but I am saying that the Eagles beat the crap out of them last week and that their confidence has to be shaken. And the Chargers are having some really nice aerial distribution this year. New York'll keep it close, but I see a Chargers comeback and a bunch of idiotic speculation about a certain draft. Chargers by 7, if not 6 in OT.

Tennessee at San Francisco: What the hell? I just saw a commercial yesterday for the San Francisco-Chicago game. That's next week. These "professionals" at the NFL Network aren't even giving this game it's own week? I am offended. I'm glad that Vince is going to at least play some games to earn all that cash, and I think the Titans are going to surprise some people with a road win. It'll be a ground battle, and the Titans will win, by 10.

Eagles: I hope the Eagles destroy these idiots. And I hope everyone that supports that bunch of overhyped underachievers will enjoy when the Eagles fly to the top of the NFC East. JerSean MacJack'll score a bunch of touchdowns. I'd love if Weaver had a repeat performance. Eagles by 14.

Pittsburgh at Denver: I think Denver's capable of beating the Steelers, but they're not going to, even though they're at home. It's that time of year when streaky teams don't streak anymore and the real good teams start getting better. I just hope Ryan Clark stays at home and watches the game on the TV. I don't want to watch him die for no good reason. Steelers win. By 7.

I'm out. Let's hope Rich Eisen calls.

This Must've Happened to Maine's Brains

That's all I'm saying.

But I'd sort've like to do this to any state that doesn't legalize gay marriage immediately.