Friday, August 14, 2009
I'm not trying to gloat, but I totally called it. I've never done that before. I said on Monday that the Eagles should sign Michael Vick. And, in a brilliant maneuver that totally outshined the return of Mr. Gisele, they totally did. Totally. I even got to see Rich Eisen, Jamie Dukes, and Hall of Famer Rod Woodson (I'm still waiting for that call) draw up plays for Vick and McNabb. Sexy time. See, I told you I could tell the future.
So, my Mom's actually been reading this, which I suspect means you'll all meet my parents at the BBQ. Anyway, she has a theory that is way too good for me to not relay to you all. She was reading about this sphere thing I picked up from the Kundalinerds. Turns out, as my Mother sees it, this sphere thing is remarkably close to what Bella does in those Twilight books. Now, I haven't read those books, cause those look like lame vampires, so I can't verify any of this, but who am I to argue with such an idea? Especially because it means that yoga people are vampires that can walk around in the sunlight without incinerating. Now I'm totally terrified.
Let me make a few other points rather quickly, before I have to go. The game starts in 17 minutes and I'll be damned if I'm not going to watch. I want to see if the J-E-T-S start M-A-R-K. To be honest, I don't really C-A-R-E, but I'll feel bad for Kellen Clemens if he gets bumped again. That's cold, man. Pennington had it, then got traded, then got revenge. Then Favrvrvrvre came and stole the job, now Sanchez seems to be annointed as the next guy and poor Clemens just has to suck it up and compete for the job? Cold.
OK, my other points:
1. Tom Brady is not human. I'm about to hear about how he didn't play up to expectations, but it looked like something else to me. Don't get me wrong, I really hate all sports teams from Boston, except the Bruins, because I don't care about hockey. So, I have no reason to hope for Brady's success, especially because he was probably the reason McNabb was throwing up in those huddles late in Super Bowl XXXIX. Except that we might be watching the greatest ever, which I'm always game for. I mean, the guy hasn't played in a year and he had a 97.2 passer rating. That's higher than everyone but two QBs from last season.
2. The Eagles need to get to work on their red zone offense. This is getting ridiculous. Look at this box score. I know it's preseason, but that looks like the Eagles should've won that one. Except their first team didn't get the ball in the damn end zone. That is totally unacceptable with this many offensive weapons. Damn.
3. I couldn't be happier that the Raiders beat the Cowboys. I think Jerry Jones is unbearably irritating. He might be the nicest man on Earth, I don't know him, but his demeanor gets in my craw. Too smug, too loud, too visible. It's amazing that Ralph Wilson and Dan Rooney didn't put him in time out. Oh, well. Good for the Raiders.
4. Matt Leinart needs to worry about his job. Tyler Palko looked good last night. And, I love him already cause he was sort of the reason Joe Flacco went to Delaware and then became Joe Flacco.
5. I'm officially starting the Kurt Warner must be in the Hall of Fame campaign. I have no pull with the voters, but the voters are drawn from journalists, and it'll be a few years until Warner's eligible, so maybe I will get to vote. This dude's been to the Super Bowl three times. Won the first. Lost the second and third to two damn good teams, so there's no shame in that game. Hell, even Tom Brady lost to the Giants, who maybe sorta probably shouldn't have won that one. Anyway, he should get in for not only being an amazing quarterback, but also for being what seems like the nicest dude in the universe. I mean, he's shouting out kids from the sideline of a preseason game. That's class. For real.
Okey dokey, I'm out. Going away for the weekend, so there won't be any of this for a few days. Something tells me that you'll survive. If all else fails, watch the games.