Friday, February 26, 2010

Olympic Crisis!

I'm only going to say this once.

Whoever decided that the Canadian Women's Hockey team should celebrate their gold medal victory with cigars, champagne, and beer on the ice should immediately be made team captain.

Seriously, are we so opposed to joy that we are going to ban gold medal winning athletes from celebrating their victories?

Maybe, yes, there is something somewhat less than tea parties and ascots about blue line boozing, but this is absurd.

We should change the name to the Immediately Opressive Committee.

If I ever win a gold medal, cigars and champagne are going to be the least of the worries.

If I can manage to be found conscious in the same country I'm going to request another medal.

Frankly, if I ever win a gold medal, I'm going to get a limousine, a bunch of friends, and a goat. We're going to dress up the goat in Chuck Taylors, sunglasses and a tuxedo and take it gambling. Once the goat is up a few Gs, we're going to all going to go back to the Olympic Village for photos with the fans. Cigars and champagne for everyone will be subsidized by the goat's winnings.

For real, people, it's the Olympics. Getting a little out of hand is the least we can allow those who are the very best in the world at what they do.

I sure hope Anette Norberg has packed some hooch for today's gold medal match.

Because nothing says party like Swedish curling.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Idiocy Alert!

I've taken this quote from Dan Savage's column in today's Village Voice.

Nancy Elliott, a state representative in New Hampshire, wants to ban same-sex marriage in that state—where it’s been legal for less than three months—and here’s her reasoning: "We’re talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wiggling it around in excrement. And you have to think…would I allow that to be done to ME?"

I can only imagine what the same-sex couples of New Hampshire are thinking when they have to envision hetero sex. I'll bet that they wouldn't want that done to them.

And I'm willing to bet that all the lesbian couples are offended because, apparently, Rep. Elliott cannot even conceive of their existence. I wonder why two women don't qualify as a same-sex couple...

All excrement aside, I'd like to issue an official warning to the state of New Hampshire.

You are about to be overtaken by idiots.

Be careful, they may be coming in from the Maine side of things. They've already proven their idiocy in this matter.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Fixing America

I'm not a politician and, frankly, I really don't know that much about how politics work.

But I know that I was born here and pay taxes and vote, so I figure that I am entitled to submit the following idea.

Congress should travel.

There are 52 weeks in the year.

There are 50 states.

And 1 District of Columbia.

And I'll give them 1 week of vacation a year.

Even that seems forgiving. I mean, the country is running every second of every day.

And they chose this path.

So, every week, Congress has to go to a different state and all the people in Congress have to travel around that state and meet people and figure out what they are like and what their concerns are.

And then they all get on a train and travel to the next state.

That way they will have lots of time to think and talk and see America.

This will allow every member to go to their home state and be in touch with their constituents and also learn about everybody else's constituencies.

You know...We the order to form a more perfect union...

Well, Congress sure has been a bit underwhelming recently.

So I say we get them the hell out of Washington and send them all over the country instead.

They can vote on the train.

They'll have the internet and phones, so I don't see what the big problem is.

Obviously, I haven't worked out the details, but I think that this is a sound idea.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Notes on Westminster

Clearly, you will all see this ex post facto, but the show results are here, with photo links. For video, you'll have to go elsewhere. Sorry, I don't know how to do simulcast yet.

Dwayne, that's a challenge.

I just started now, in the Working Group.

This is, of course, all based on my own two eyes. I'm not a AKC certified judge of dogs. But I've probably logged more hours at AKC events than most.
  • That Weimaraner is beautiful.
  • The view from the back of the Black Russian Terrier is a bit, let's say, ample. And his name was ridiculous. And the whole 'not for the first time dog owner' commentary was a bit Cold War, wasn't it?
  • That is a beautiful boxer. Especially in profile. I'm not sure that I don't think it's facial markings aren't a bit distracting from the geometry of its head.
  • It's true. The Doberman is beautiful. The coloration, especially is so velvety and rich.
  • Dogs of French origin are hilarious. Dogue de Bordeaux? Hilarious. PBGV? Hilarious.
  • Am I the only one who thinks that the Great Dane is a bit pigeon-toed? And perhaps a pound or two thin? Nice gait, though.
  • I'm not into the facial geometries of the Great Pyrenees. Too pinched around the eyes, and too trapezoidal of a muzzle.
  • Komondor are awesome. Anyone who doesn't agree is crazy. I can't possibly imagine what their undercarriage must be like filth and dander-wise.
  • The Mastiff, as Foucault would've seen it, is an initiator of discursive practice. If we're talking dogs, of course. They're all amazing.
  • The Neapolitan Mastiff is pretty wild. The skin distribution on that thing is akin to a Shar Pei, which makes me wonder the extent to which the Venetians, Sig. Polo particularly, can be blamed.
  • That Portuguese Water Dog was too spazzy. Leaning in the stack, shaking, and running diagonally.
  • Rottweiler. Shout out to Kingston.
  • I'm not really into white dogs, but I think the Samoyed might be the coolest of the bunch. Interesting how the olive-brown tones of the handler's shoes draws the eye to the ways in which a white coat actually contains sweeping color gradations. I wonder if she planned that.
  • Siberian Huskies are great because they remind us that so many breeds still have a little wolf in them.
  • I love the facial coloration on this Standard Schnauzer.
  • Tibetan Mastiffs have the most beautifully emotional faces. So many different states of mind simultaneously.
  • I just saw the cut. I'd go with the boxer. The Doberman is also great. That Akita would be in my top four. And the Kuvasz would round it out. In that order. There, I said it.
  • But I feel bad about the Tibetan Mastiff.
  • Yeah, I don't get the Portuguese Water Dog or the Malamute.
Congratulations to Aaron Bradshaw, winner of Junior Showmanship.

May We have the Terrier Group in the ring please...
  • Dandie Dinmont Terrier. That's what I'm talking about.
  • Am I the only one seeing a weird groom on this Airedale that makes it look like the line of its rib cage carries across its back leg?
  • That Am Staff doesn't really want to be touched, does she?
  • People think that they look weird, but Bedlington Terriers are quite beautiful if you stop expecting a round headed dog and look at its ovoid rectangularity instead. It's a geometric divergence from the norm, but quite elegant nonetheless.
  • If I were you, I wouldn't piss off a Border Terrier. You'll lose. Look at that little bastard. Pure killing machine. That's the thing with Terriers. Up close, you're lunch.
  • I don't really know the standard, but that Bull Terrier (Colored) looks like it has extra long front legs. And the Bull Terrier (White) needs to gain weight in its front legs. This makes me think that I really need to read the standard.
  • Holy Shit! That's Cathy. Pennywise Kennels, people. Dandie Dinmont Terriers. The best of the best. Don't even ask twice. 2004 AKC Breeder of the Year. She's the best.
  • For once in my life, I actually like the coloring on a Smooth Fox Terrier. That's a pretty damn nice dog.
  • This Wire Fox Terrier wouldn't be my 14th Best in Show winner. It wouldn't even be in my cut, so far.
  • The Glen of Imaal Terrier is really wild. Makes me think of how that's an Irish line of Terrier and not Scottish.
  • It's really too bad that Joe Garagiola isn't doing the color commentary anymore. He was amazing, and, for those of you that have seen Best in Show, the prototype. Fred Willard owes him a ton. Tamron Hall, bless her heart, just can't fill those shoes. If anyone knows anyone who works at USA, tell them I'll do it next year.
  • So far, I'm going with the Dandie, the Smooth Fox, and the Bedlington. I hope this judge doesn't do something corny and go with one of those breeds that always wins just because they always win. Not that I begrudge the dog the win, but Terrier judging can be a bit traditionalist for my tastes.
  • I sort of think that this Parson Russell is ok, but I really don't know the standard at all. Mainly because most of the ones you see running around aren't up to the AKC standard.
  • Shit, man. That Scottie is really pretty textbook. I can see why she's winning everything. Gonna be hard for anyone else to beat that. Whoever groomed that dog needs a little credit as well. Propers.
  • Speaking of white dogs, but not really all white, the Sealyham Terrier is pretty great.
  • The Skye Terrier is proof that judging a dog is a tactile experience. How the hell am I supposed to judge that dog's bone structure on TV?
  • Clearly, this judge and I have very different tastes in Terriers. Excepting that Smooth Fox and the Scottie, who will probably win this sucker. This is actually a sort of interesting dilemma. Dogs are judged according to individual breed standards as adopted by the AKC. However, in an ideal show, each dog would be a perfect manifestation of its breed. Thus, the dilemma of taste in relation to a preordained canon. Perhaps this interestingly problematized Greenberg's notions as discussed in 'Can Taste Be Objective?." I've never thought of it that way before.
  • If I were handling that Sealyham, I'd be pissed at the woman with the Westie for crowding me.
Best in Show
  • Turn the damn lights on. This is about evaluating dogs, not theatre.
  • After the first go around, the Brittany is my dark horse candidate, with the Scottie looking best, essentially even is the Doberman.
  • Every year this guy has a great poodle, but I'm just not into poodles at all.
  • I have absolutely no idea who I'd give this to. Every year it's impossible. I think I'd go with the Doberman, to be honest, but I'd feel really bad about not giving it to the Brittany, and the people who say I should give it to the Scottie have an indisputable argument.
  • I hope I'm not the only person that gives that French Bulldog a lot of credit. That's a beautiful dog.
  • Well, you can't argue that.


So, I'm sitting here watching the dog show and there was just an ad for Simponi.

When they read off all the side-effects and considerations, cancer was brought up. And there was quite a bit of focus on infection.


Monday, February 15, 2010

Further Proof That There is a God

Just when I thought the universe had screwed me again and left me out to dry with no more football...

Ladies and Gentlemen, the second greatest sporting event of the year is upon us...

Presently on CNBC , and tomorrow on USA, there is, for our viewing pleasure...

Drum roll please...

Go ahead, try to act like I'm kidding.

By the way, that's a Dandie Dinmont Terrier. You want to root for that one.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

An Open Letter to Dave Mustaine

Dear Dave,

I underestimated you. You see, the last time we spent any time together, I was in high school.

High school people don't know what they're talking about. Maybe they do, but their teenage brains are so addled with confusion that they make arbitrary, impulsive, and absolutist decisions.

I decided that I didn't really like your band.

This was sort of your fault.

You're a terrible singer. Or, you were then. Now, I'm better able to appreciate what that sort of thing is about.

And, to make matters worse, I've always been a Metallica fan first. Having made this judgment under the influence of teenaging, I didn't really think much beyond the fact that they threw you out of the band and, like being an NFC East fan, you just have to pick one and hate the other.

Ask my wife about my opinions on the Giants.

Anyway, I chose Metallica. Really, I'd chosen Metallica and Pantera and Testament and Sepultura, so there wasn't any more room at the inn.

You can only pick four. Like suits of cards. Or evangelists. Or cardinal directions.

But I was hasty.

You are significantly better than I'd thought. You are, in fact, one hell of a writer of melodies. And your chord progressions are super interesting. More than most.

So, I just want to say I'm sorry.

And that I'll see you in March when you come here on the 20th anniversary tour.

I'll be the one up front eating crow.



PS-I'm glad to hear that Ellefson's back in the band.

Cat Question, Episode 2

Am I the only one with a cat that likes to rest his butt right on the computer mouse?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Confused Yogism

Why does my sphere have to be sphere shaped?

I don't yet understand the nature of its bounding membrane.

Cat Question

Is there anybody out there that has figured out what it is that makes cats so interested in looking at what's in the fridge?

Holy Shit!

As of right now, over 1000 people have gone to this page.

That pretty well blows my mind.

Thanks for reading this craziness.

And please keep telling your friends.

And remember that I'm on the Facebook.

Just search "adrianduranblog" and you'll find me.

If I didn't set it up stupid.

And I think I'm on the Twitter.

If you're into smaller nuggets of idiocy.

I think it's "adrianduranblog" there, too.

But there's always that @ thing involved.

I haven't figured that out yet.


Thanks again.