VI

Well, after last week's demonstration of ineptitude, I'm going for broke. This week's a lot easier looking. Actually, I don't feel so bad about being so wrong last week anymore. Cincy-Baltimore was a surprise. Hey Ray, be careful when you decide to clean somebody's clock. Those were important yards. Cleveland-Buffalo was anybody's game. Somebody had to suck worse. Houston-Arizona was weirdly close and the New England-Denver went into overtime and the Jets-Fins games was a last second affair. I mean, I was totally wrong about Atlanta's dismantling of the 49ers, so I'll own that one. But we all know that predicting sports is a deal with the devil. Nobody knows what's going to happen.

Oh, and I miscounted. I wasn't 7-7. I was 8-6. I mismarked the Indy-Tennessee game. I marked it wrong because the Titans got handled, which was a loss for me, just not for my prediction. Trust me, students, I do not do the same on your exams.

So, I suck a little less than we all thought. I still have a winning record, which is not what I can say for the Titans.

Anyway, if only for consistency's sake, and because I'm on a bus with no desire to do anything professionally productive, away we go. Bear in mind that it's been midterm week at work, so my standard football info intake has been cut by about 12 hours.

Texans @ Cincy: I've drink/drank/drunk the Kool-Aid. I don't know how they do it, but these Cardiac Cats actually win. Everyone's healthy, they're at home and on a roll. And Houston is still inconsistent, despite the strides they're making. Cincy by 10, and not a last minute win.

Detroit @ Green Bay: I love the NFC North this year. But this one ought to be well in hand for the Packers. Detroit just isn't that good and, without Calvin Johnson, they're really in trouble. I'm not so concerned with the absence of Stafford, but Calvin Johnson's at least half of their offensive firepower. No dice. Cheeseheads by a dozen, if not more.

St. Louis @ Jacksonville: Well, now that that fat, loudmouth idiot is out of the picture, we can remove St. Louis from the list of cities I do not care to affiliate with. But, their football team still stinks like my cat's breath. And that wee running back from Jacksonville's been talking a whole lot of frustrated with his job, so he's going to have to put up or shut up. Look for a big day from the little man. Jag-u-ars by 14.

Ravens @ Vikings: Look, I love the Ravens. I think they're good enough to beat the Vikings. I just don't see it happening in Minneapolis. The Vikings are looking frightening, so this is going to be an uphill battle for the boys from B-more. But not since Jesse Ventura have I been so concerned with Minnesota's ability to fend for itself, so I'm going with the Favrings by 3. Look for an epic defensive battle here. One for the ages maybe.

Giants @ Saints: Ok, I know that the Giants are arguably the best team in football right now. But the Saints are at home, on that horrific carpeting, and hot as the day is long. Plus, they're rested. I just can't imagine that the Giants are going to be able to keep up. I still think they're the better team, but this'll be a scoring contest, not a question of overall superiority. Of course, if the Giants defense gets properly going, Mr. Brees could be in for a lesson in frustration. But I'm going Saints by 7.

Browns @ Steelers: I just don't think he's that much of a Mangenius. Maybe a Mansmartguy, but Mike Tomlin's a freaking prodigy. And his team's way more talented. And, if Palumalu's back in form, fuggedaboutit. He's gonna freelance all over Derek Anderson's pride all day long. And then he'll do the same to the most depressing Domer since Rick Mirer. Towel Terribility by about 14.

Carolina @ Tampa Bay: Christ, can anyone out there imagine something less interesting? I'd actually rather watch hockey. Panthers by 7, if only because of their running game.

KC @ Washington: I spoke too soon. At least Tampa Bay has cool uniforms. This game is going to be dullsville-o-rama-lama-ding-dong all the live long day. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Skins by 7 in the most unanticipated game since the Bob Davie era.

Iggles @ Jawbreakers: If the Eagles don't beat the living bejesus out of the Raiders, I'm going to cry. Everyone's on the field, the Raiders just plain stink, and November is around the corner, which means that December is too. C'mon gentlemen, let's start ensuring ourselves a spot in the playoffs. These victories will be important if the Giants don't self-destruct. Birds by 21.

Cardinals @ Seahawks: I think the Cardinals are going to win this one. Beanie's gonna get hot, Larry's gonna get hot, and I'm going to watch another game. Isn't it odd how the most electrifying team from last year's postseason has been so underwhelming this year? Cards by 10.

Titans @ New England: This is the sound of me dry heaving. I hate the Patriots. The Titans will lose by a lot, which will include their season, their dignity, and my emotional well-being.

Bills @ Jets: This one's for my friend Andre, who owns more Jets jerseys than the team does. The Sanchize gets back in form. I love "The Sanchize." Why can't my teams have such a cool phrase? Would you want Rex Ryan to yell at you two weeks in a row? I wouldn't. He might call his brother, and they might eat you. And that billboard about firing Dick Jauron is just plain hi-larious. Jets by 14. Minimum.

Broncos at Chargers: I'm going to be wrong about this, I'm sure, but I think the Chargers are going to pull it out. They're at home and their back is against the wall in that super weird AFC West. Chargers by 7.

I'm out. Getting close to the end of the bus ride. Happy football everyone.