Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Get out of my sphere

So, this is weird.
My wife does that Kundalini yoga stuff. Sometimes she goes with our librarian friend, who's like Pookie for the stuff.
Anyway, their leader, or at least the one who I think is their leader, or their enabler, or whatever you call the one at the front of the yoga room, has this idea that I actually think has merit. I'm not even lying.
She thinks everyone has a sphere.
At this point, I'm making up everything about this sphere idea. I don't do yoga, not because I have anything against it, though I think parts of it are nuts. But that isn't a consideration, cause I think most things have parts that are nuts. The Designated Hitter. Transubstantiation. People in Memphis who do 20 in a 40. You know who you are. Get off Poplar. I'm trying to get to the mall.
But I think this sphere thing is actually worth thinking about, even though I actually have no idea about any of it. I've just heard about it, which for me is often enough. The basic idea, or so I've invented it, according to what I believe the yoga leader probably said, is that our core/soul/whatever you want to call it can emit some kind of forcefield thing that the yogics at the Kundalini call a sphere. I've got one, you've got one, everybody's got their own sphere. I can't figure out if the cat has one, but he has a big, spherical belly, so I'm going with yes.
Now, I think this sphere has something to do with existing or being or some esoterica that only yogurt practicioners believe in.
I think it's a great idea cause it can help me shake off the haters, or block them, or block anyone who's annoying me, or asking stupid questions. It's like the Death Star, but actually indestructible.
Get out of my sphere.
Actually, you can't even get in.
My sphere is rubber, you're glue. Bounces off of my sphere and sticks to you, you non-sphere-having blubberducker.
But, then, earlier today I got to thinking about the sphere. Originally I thought that my sphere, or yours, or whoever's, had to be sort of immediate to the person. Like a forcefield. But then I got to thinking.
Can I get other stuff in the sphere?
Can I get my wife in here?
What about the cat?
Does his sphere dissolve when he's in mine?
Is that gross?
Can I drink beer in my sphere?
Where do the empties go?
What are the limits of my sphere?
What are its capabilities?
Is it yoga-proof?
Does it have laser beams?
See what I'm saying? It's an interesting notion. I don't know much about yogaing, but I have this thing about this idea about the sphere. It's totally fascinating. So I guess yoga isn't all that bad. But it sure is weird. I'm not even sphere shaped.


  1. Your sphere sounds like something out of Barbarella. Are there tiny dolls with sharp teeth chomping at your ankles?

  2. My yoga "leader" told me I am a "natural backbender." I guess this means I curve up against the edge of my sphere. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure my sphere is indigo, and that it is influential.

  3. This is totally interesting, and way beyond my yoga expertise. I'll ask my local experts, but I would imagine that spheres go sort of on its side D shaped when you do backbends. Because of the floor. Indigo is a good thing, because anything between indigo and violet has to be cool. And because it's on the colors for the Titans. And I think blue means calm, which means that the yoga must be working.