Anne Siems

Check this out. I just saw a show of her work at David Lusk Gallery. There is also a show there of Don Estes's paintings, which is also quite excellent.

But if any of you are weirdo English Renaissance Franz Snyders Gainsborough Tarot perverts, this show is for you. It's really pretty wild. But be careful. If kids spook you, you will have the bejesus scared out of you.

Onward and sideward. I have had two consecutive weeks of 10-3 predictions. And I have outperformed every celebrity predictor on NFL Total Access. OK, everyone. Let's harness the power of the interwebs. If any of you out there knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Rich Eisen or any of the dudes at NFL Total Access, tell them that you know a guy who would be great at football commentary.

So here's what I think this week. The Ninth. We're past the halfway point. Groan.

Washington at Atlanta: At Atlanta. AtLanta. ATLanta. ATL by about 14. I think they're going to have a rebound moment right here, this week. That team is too capable to be playing as middle of the pack as they've been playing. Matt Ryan's going to pull it together and start firing one salvo after another. Michael Turner's production won't even matter.

AZ at Chicago: I feel bad saying it, but I think Arizona's on a downward pitch. And it's not because Kurt Warner's old. It's because their running game is too much half-and-half and not enough 100 yard days. And because those receivers don't really seem to be the ridiculousness that they were last season. And the Bears are probably not desperate yet, but can tell that it's going to get desperate if they don't win this one, at home, in the cold. Bears by 9.

Ravens at Bengals: It's not that I don't belive in the Bengals, it's just that I believe in the Ravens more. And, for the same reasons that make me thing the Falcons are going to roll, I think the Ravens won't give a damn that they're not playing at home and play like they are. And like they did last season and earlier this season when they would light teams up on both sides of the ball. They won't light up the Bengals, or that Bengals offense'll score a bunch anyway, but Ravens by 14. And it'll be a scoring festival. Maybe could be the best game to watch this weekend.

Houston at Indianapolis: Rod Woodson said that this was his sleeper upset for the week, and I really do see what he's saying about Houston being able to beat Indy because of Matt Schaub and all that. And I love that Ryan Moats is doing well, but I just don't see it happening. The Manningtron 2009 is running smooth. All systems go on that offense, so I'm not even sure it matters what happens on the defensive side of things. Colts by 10, maybe could be a slaughter.

KC at Jacksonville: People of Jacksonville. The NFL is gonna take your team away from you if you don't go to the games. Now, I know that Jake DelHomme should maybe not have been given that extension, and certainly isn't earning any of that paycheck, but your team is going to win this one. By a respectable margin I think, maybe even 17.

Fins at Pats: In which category of American male uber-studs do we place Tom Brady? Montana? Jordan? Bogart? Sinatra? I mean, this fool chose to go to the University of Michigan and I don't even hold that against him. And I hate the University of Michigan. Their god-forsaken kicker destroyed my first game in Notre Dame Stadium. I hate them. But this Brady guy is nuts. And the commentators are right. That incident with the Wildcat from last season will not be left unremembered. Watson will kill the shark. Pats by 21.

Green Bay at Tampa Bay: The Battle of the Bays. They need a trophy for this, like that wooden bucket thing. I'm still not sure why I need to be overwhelmed by the Packers, but I am damn sure that they're going to pound the Bucs. It'll be nice. Like a vacation in Florida, with a full dress practice. But maybe Freeman'll get a chance to do something exciting. Pack by a stack about 17 high.

Carolina at New Orleans: The only thing I care about New Orleans is if they're going to be this good if the Eagles have to play them in the playoffs. They're going to murder Carolina. Maybe they'll get so far ahead Daniel and Brunell can both get in enough to toss a touchdown or two. Saints by 28.

Detroit at Seattle: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Seattle by 14.

Chargers at Football Giants: Tee hee, the Giants are getting killed. I'm not saying that they're not good, but I am saying that the Eagles beat the crap out of them last week and that their confidence has to be shaken. And the Chargers are having some really nice aerial distribution this year. New York'll keep it close, but I see a Chargers comeback and a bunch of idiotic speculation about a certain draft. Chargers by 7, if not 6 in OT.

Tennessee at San Francisco: What the hell? I just saw a commercial yesterday for the San Francisco-Chicago game. That's next week. These "professionals" at the NFL Network aren't even giving this game it's own week? I am offended. I'm glad that Vince is going to at least play some games to earn all that cash, and I think the Titans are going to surprise some people with a road win. It'll be a ground battle, and the Titans will win, by 10.

Eagles: I hope the Eagles destroy these idiots. And I hope everyone that supports that bunch of overhyped underachievers will enjoy when the Eagles fly to the top of the NFC East. JerSean MacJack'll score a bunch of touchdowns. I'd love if Weaver had a repeat performance. Eagles by 14.

Pittsburgh at Denver: I think Denver's capable of beating the Steelers, but they're not going to, even though they're at home. It's that time of year when streaky teams don't streak anymore and the real good teams start getting better. I just hope Ryan Clark stays at home and watches the game on the TV. I don't want to watch him die for no good reason. Steelers win. By 7.

I'm out. Let's hope Rich Eisen calls.

This Must've Happened to Maine's Brains

That's all I'm saying.

But I'd sort've like to do this to any state that doesn't legalize gay marriage immediately.

Down With It

Sometimes the universe just plain kicks ass.

Listen to this one.

Not only did the Irish pound the Cougars, but the Eagles pounded the Giants, and even the Titans won. Trifecta.

That last one was part miracle. Vince, good to see you're back in form. No negative plays, baby. That's what we need more of.

And it gets wilder.

I'm currently making food. That's what it'd say if I was on the FaceSpace. Adrian Duran is making food. Actually, it wouldn't. I try to be less mundane.

Anyway, on the TV, right now--or whenever right now will be--is the World Series. As it stands, the Phillies are on the way to tying the series, which just makes this World Series even more The Best World Series Ever.

And in three minutes, or whenever three minutes from now will be, the Monday Night Football Game is on, which was going to be my priority in August, except now the Central Jersey Series is on. And later, the Grizzlies are playing.

Trifecta.

Pretty cool, huh?

And the best part is that trifectas are supposed to happen in threes.

I wonder what's next.

With my luck, it'll be paper cut, cat puke, and some form of head cold.

OMG!

Am I the only one who's really excited about this? Youth of America, say it with me: "Ninjas are awesome."

I also just noticed a link on the blogger dashboard that says "report abuse." Should I tell them about having to watch the Cowboys game?

By the way, OMG sucks. So does LOL. Cut it out. Do they speak English in What?

Join the Revolution

So, I went to this thing called Creative Conversations this past week. Now, for someone who is more of an Analytic Antisocial, it was pretty good. I learned a lot of things about Memphis that I didn't know.

One of them was the existence of Revolutions Community Bicycle Shop. I'm not a bicycle rider, mainly because I am unsafe. I'm a believer in bicycle riding, but I almost killed myself by running into a German senior citizen once and let's just call that a deal-breaker.

Anyway, Revolutions is a community bike shop that recycles and rehabilitates old bicycles--over 1500 to date--for a city that desperately needs to rid itself of its automobile addiction.

They also organize community events and film festivals, so we're three for three. Check it out.

Who Took My Tea Leaves?

This has been one hell of a weekend already. Friday night, the Grizzlies recovered from what may have been the most pathetic home opener in the history of the NBA to have a come from behind victory over the presumed-superior Raptors. That was pretty nice. Good ball movement, Zach Randolph scored a million or so points, El Gasol looked sharp, Rudolph had at least one trifecta of SportsCenter-worthy jams, and DeMarre is finally looking like a first rounder.

Then, yesterday, the Irish totally handled the Washington State Cougars, or whatever they're called. Probably not a big surprise, but the Irish have a tendency to, as my friend Art said so sagely about another unmentioned team, "play down to their opponents." Someone needs to start saying Golden Tate out loud during these Heisman discussions. No offense to the Passing Pickle, but Golden Tate's been sick as a pig with the swine flu.

And this World Series? De-lightful.

Now, of course, things get tense. Another beisbol game tonight, the Griz take on the McNuggets, and there's a certain NFC East battle that has me all wound up. Plus, the redebut of VY should be an event of some something.

By the way, I was 10-3 with my predictions yet. I have not yet received any offers from a single sports broadcast channel or any off-shore wagering institutions. All I'm saying is that big business is not getting invited to the BBQ.

And away we go...

Denver @ Baltimore: Ooooh, this is gonna be great. Denver's seemingly the real thing. The Ravens are still pretty damn good, and this is in Baltimore with their pride and probably season getting close to being on the line. The AFC North is super-duper tough, and the Ravens can't afford to get beat again. My money's on their offense-defense Ray-Ray echo. Big games from everyone, including their underachieving secondary. Ravens by 7.

Houston @ Buffalo: See, we've gotten to that point in the season where certain teams don't matter any more. Buffalo, welcome to the club. I feel really bad, because I really like T.O., always have, and, as a supporter of the Titans, I now have infinite wells of understanding for teams that stink. But Houston's rolling and healthy. Houston by 14.

Cleveland @ Chicago: Remember how I didn't care about Buffalo-Carolina last week? Ditto. One team really stinks, the other has an underachieving back and a quarterback who I really think has overstayed his welcome. Chicago by 17.

Intermezzo: The NFL Network just referred to "The Great State of New Jersey." That's right.

Seattle @ Dallas: I saw an ad on Fox yesterday that said that they were going to broadcast the Eagles-Giants game. I just checked on my guide, and it said that they were playing the Cowboys game. So did tvguide.com. I am hereby inviting you all to join my Facebook Group "Stop Broadcasting Cowboys Games in Memphis." Go to your FaceSpace and type "Stop Broadcasting Cowboys Games in Memphis" in the search box and help stop the insanity. It's in the First Amendment, for God's Sake. I think Bob Marley said it best..."Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind." I'd like to see Seattle beat the bejesus out of those idiots, but I'm just not sure. Idiots by 7.

St. Louis @ Detroit: Oh, yeah, this is going to be amazing. This is exactly the kind of game I love. Two teams that stink playing to not be the one that stinks worse. Amazingness. I actually think the Rams are going to do it, and the reason is named Steven Jackson. Poor Detroit, though. I'd love to see the Motor City catch a break. Rams, 10-5.

Minnesota @ Green Bay: Hand wringing, head shaking, media hyping. I have absolutely no damn sense of who is going to win this game. Both teams are good enough to win. But I have to go with the Vikings. Favreaggedeon! Not because of him, alone, though knowing the environmental conditions at Lambeau and having played with a lot of those guys and most of that playbook is quite an advantage. But because of Allen, All Day, Harvin, the Williams Wall, and a guy named Bernard. Experience and talent always trump homefield, even at Lambeau. Vikings by 10.

SF @ Indy: I'm happy to see Alex Smith playing well, and glad to not have to hear anything else about Crabtree's idiocy. But Indy's freaky good, by which I mean undefeated. They'll stay that way, especially because they're at home. Indy by 21.

Miami @ NY Jets: People act like the Wildcat can win every game. It can, but it won't. People are figuring it out, and even the absence of Jenkins won't be so deadly to the Jets. I think this one's going to be pretty close, and aided by the winds of The Great State of New Jersey. The only Titans team that has won this year by 7. Sorry, Ronnie Brown, but score me a bunch of fantasy points.

Jacksonville @ Tennessee: VY! VY! VY! Domineus pater universalis salve latinus wordus vince youngus no interceptus terzu quarterus. Did I mention that the Titans are the new Raiders? All we need is a fist fight to erupt in the locker room (I'd like to give Chuck Cecil a little love tap here and again) and we're the new wave of futility. I'm ready to see Vince take it over and get it done. Bring on the Super Bowls. Bring on the Hall of Fame. Bring it. I'm sitting right here waiting. I'll be waiting. Probably until next week. Why do people pronounce it Jac-why-ers? Why can't the Titans win? 0-7, by about 10.

Oakland @ San Diego: Speaking of...Gonna be a shame to watch a mildly improved, desperately in need of a glimmer of home Raiders team get smoked. But that's what's gonna happen. The Chargers are gonna blast Oakland into next Wednesday. I still won't care about the Chargers until the playoffs, but they sure are fun to watch. Me likey vertical passing. Bolts by a dozen.

Carolina @ Arizona: Zzzzzzzz. I've got Beanie Wells and Larry Fitzgerald on my fantasy team. Let's hope I don't have to waive them after this. Cards, who looked pretty capable last week, will outdo the freakishly stubborn Carolina QB decision makers. I mean, even the Titans are switching quarterbacks. AZ by 17.

Giants @ Eagles: Jesus. This is nerve-wracking. They're playing in Philly, Eli's got that turf toe thing, Steve Smith may have a slightly-torn rotator cuff. None of that matters. I expect to see lots of blood on lots of jerseys. I also expect to see this game on Fox at noon. Comcast, you here me? I got the AT&T U-verse phone number right here. I'll use it. Don't think I won't. Please don't let me jinx them, but Birds by 7. Late and ugly, but a win's a win.

ATL @ New Orleans: If you read this regularly (I think my Mom's the only one) keep your eyes peeled. My friend Michael, who is my New Orleans sports link, may be posting his predictions on this blog. I can't wait for this game. Did I mention vertical passing? Someone called the Saints' receiver corps an "armada." That's about the best way I've heard it put. I want a gunfight. Last team with the ball wins. I'll probably get Drew Brees torching the Falcons for about 40, but that's what I expect. Saints march by 14.

Best World Series Ever.

I hereby declare this the Central Jersey Series.

08902

We win!

The Best Art Show You Never Saw

You missed it.

A few weeks ago, October 11-17 if I'm not mistaken, I had an art show at MCA's No Exit Gallery.

I occupied the space, mentally, with an art show.

I didn't make anything or put anything in it.

Just the mental art show in the space.

I didn't even sign the sheet to reserve the gallery.

I just saw the opening and took it.

Mentally.

Doesn't even matter if there were other objects in the gallery.

Mentally, it was mine.

The only evidence that I have of this art show of mine is a text message sent to me in regards to my inquiring about the availability of the space, and a subsequent telephone conversation with the same person regarding my writing about this show on this blog.

One of its primary themes was fraudulence.

Of the artist, as such discursively and in practice.

Of the critical voice and industry as arbiter of artistic and academic validity, discursively and in regard to taste.

Of the art object itself, discursively and in actuality.

And the process of its creation, both physically and mentally.

It was simultaneously, and continues to be, a referendum of the audience concerning the rate of acceptance of this art show as an art show unto itself.

References available upon request.

Notredamus Predicts

Congrats, Irish, on beating the heretical sect of D1 football. But you need to get a whole lot better at covering those middle routes, and someone needs to give the corners a primer on man coverage. That was not comforting. Thank you Golden Tate, for making up for everyone else's errors.

Anyway, after last week's repeat mediocrity (57.9% rate of prediction) I'm going for something better. I mean, 57.9% isn't even enough to pass one of my tests. After two, I'd advise myself to drop my own class, so now you know how impressed I am with myself. But Jamie Dukes was 8-6 and Mike Mayock was 7-7. And those guys have jobs on NFL Total Access, so I'm at least keeping up with the industry standard.

So, in my quest towards Eisendom, here goes.

Chicago @ Cincy: Chicago just isn't good enough, and even though I mistakenly drank the Cincinnati Kool-Aid last week, I still think that the Bengals are too broadly talented and, more importantly, clicking in a way that the Bears are not. Sorry Jay, but you're still overrated and underwhelming. Cincy, by 7. Notice how conservative my lines have become? That's cause I don't know what I'm doing.

GB @ Cleveland: Zzzzzz. Cleveland has become such a bore, so depressing. I read somewhere that anybody could go out on the field (that's the pitch, for you Euros) and throw the ball directly into the ground and earn a better passer rating than Cleveland's QBs. And Donald Driver wears green. We've lost track of the Pack amidst the Favrexcitement in Hot Dish. Curly's boys by 14.

Minnesota @ Pittsburgh: Ooooh, girl, this is gonna be grrrrr-eat. I'm already on the couch, facing the TV, sort of drooling on myself a bit. This could go either way. Two greats, with great offenses, stellar defenses. Can I just call this Super Bowl XLIII.5? Pittsburgh by 3 for two reasons. They're at home. They're the defending champs. Even if I thought the Vikings could win, which they could, you've got to bet on the Champs, if only for ideological reasons.

SF @ Houston: You know, I want Houston to do well this year. They've been the afterthought of the AFC South for a while, and now that the Titans have been sucking like a vacuum cleaner, I'm all in for the Texans to improve. Whether or not they show up today is the mystery. They're terribly inconsistent, despite their huge lineup of power: Schaub, Johnson, Slaton, Jacoby Jones is a secret weapon, even Owen Daniels is capable of big stuff. And their defense is more than capable. SF has a shot here, especially if Houston blows it, which they've done before. But I'm going with Houston, by 10, at home, which explains why.

SD @ KC: I am so damn sick of San Diego being the team that I have to pay attention to because they have all the weapons. And then they never get anywhere. When was the last time they were in the Super Bowl? When was the last time they even got into the Conference Championship Game? I'm done with them until they do something that actually counts. That being said, the Chiefs stink like stank. Chargers by 14, but the only reason that I care is named Coryell.

Indy @ The Lou: How boring. Peyton Manning is a robot. I've got Donald Brown and their Defense on my fantasy team, which I hope, with Lawrence Maroney, will bring me an upset of our league leader. Let me say this again, Peyton Manning is dull. Dullsville. Dullicity. Dullacious. All he does is post numbers and win games. Many would say that's about all you can ask. Not me. I want drama, history, compelling stressful hair-pulling tension. All this idiot does is pass for 300 yards a game. If I want that, I'll play Tecmo. By the way, St. Louis should give the Rams to LA. They should also ask for a refund. Manning-tron 2009 by 28.

NE @ TB, in UK: Can I say this out loud? Americans, American football media, National Football League...the British don't give a rat's ass about our game. Deal with it. I don't see anyone broadcasting cricket over here, which is a remarkably cool game once you learn the rules, like football, and, like football, looks a lot like a bunch of dudes standing around waiting for the second fractions when important things happen. Interviewing Angles in front of Big Ben so that we can laugh at them when they don't know who Tom Brady is is like going to Nebraska and asking whether Wayne Rooney scores on goals or WAGs. And, after last week, Mr. Bundchen is so high up on my list that I don't even want to talk about him until he can sit around a table with Terry Bradshaw and wear the same number of rings. Nueva Inghilterra by 21. I hope Michael Strahan was sent over with his video camera again.

Buffalo @ Carolina: God, talk about boring. One team can't get their act together. The other one is playing them in this battle of the teams that won't make the playoffs. I still think Carolina's experience is the key here, as is Buffalo's lack of damn near everything, to say nothing of an injured QB. That Jets game was Sanchez getting himself beat, not Buffalo beating them. Panthers by 7.

Jets @ Oakland: Ok, everyone. Don't watch the game. Watch the headlines in the Daily News and the Post tomorrow. If the Jets win, it'll be all sorts of We Love You Mark Sanchez, We Love Rex Ryan's Defense, We Love the Jets. If not, it'll be like Torquemada's back in town. But, after last week's debacle, I think that the Raiders are too one-dimensional (throw to the Tight End) and really didn't do as much good as the Eagles O-line did bad. Jets by 10, though Marky Mark might end up riding the pine if he keeps throwing the ball away.

New Orleans @ Miami: Forget it. Nobody can keep up with Drew Brees. He's been scary since college, Reggie's actually scoring now, and the defense is being consistent. The Wildcat is going to look like a gimmick more than ever this week. It'll be cute for a few yards, but ugly when the Saints are up by 24 or so. New Orleans by 24 or so.

ATL @ Dallas: This is what I have to watch this weekend, because Fox stinks and apparently Western Tennessee and Dallas are related. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll play the New Orleans game. Maybe I'll just run a wire from my neighbor's DirecTV dish. Good thing for Matt Ryan and that ATL offense. At least I'll have something fun to watch. ATL by 14.

Arizona @ NY Giants: Somebody, during yesterday's Notre Dame game, called the Cardinals offense high-powered. They have 112 points for vs. the Giants 178. They do, however, have fewer points against. I don't care. Larry Fitzgerald's on my fantasy team, and he's not been doing biblity-squat all year. The Giants are at home, the winds are swirling, the weather is filthy. I hope Larry's got a big game in him, but I just don't see the Giants losing under these circumstances. Let's not forget that they were undefeated until Mr. Brees invited them over, which means that they're still undefeated by normal NFL teams. Football Giants by 17.

Philly @ Redskins: If the Eagles can't win this, I'm going to die. I do, however, recognize that this game is like a mimeographed version of last week's. Hey, kids, remember mimeographs? Mmm, analog copy technology. 90 minute Maxell tapes, anyone? Anyway, the Redskins have QB concerns, front office woes, an underperforming set of offensive weapons. Oh, no. Someone tell the O-line that this is on them. Don't ruin my Monday night gentlemen. Eagles by 7.

Meda and Veda Rives at Memphis College of Art On the Street Gallery

http://www.mirrorimagepress.com/

http://www.mca.edu

Michelle Obama: Awesomest First Lady Ever

You know what she's thinking?

She's thinking "I'm Michelle Obama and I hula hoop and I double dutch and I rule."

No, wait. That's what I'm thinking. Except I'm not Michelle Obama.

Just say yes, kids, just say yes.

Unvertisement

Since I don't have corporate sponsorship, and thus can't be accused of selling this blog to the corporate oligarchs, I feel free to unvertise certain things I think are worth hearing about.

http://www.skatelifememphis.org is one of them.

SkateLife Memphis seeks to promote Memphis and the health of Memphians by serving as an advocate for public skate parks. We are passionate about skateboarding because it is a positive physical outlet needed for our youth and it's an activity that naturally forms friendships among participants coming from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds.

Suh-weet!

UFL Update

So, the UFL is in its third week.

The Florida Tuskers are 2-0.

The California Redwoods and Las Vegas Locomotives are both 1-1.

And the New York Sentinels are 0-2.

So the Giants secondary and Mark Sanchez aren't the only ones besmirching the name of New York football this week.

But it's good that the Tuskers are 2-0, because the brother-in-law of the husband of someone I work with plays for them. And if they're good, I'm figuring that it's a better chance that he'll keep his career going. And I'm into people having careers. That's one of the many ways that I'm just like Barack Obama.

On another note, Maurice Crum, California Redwoods, 55, LB, is the sole Notre Dame representative in the league. We can be proud of that. He had a good career as a Domer. One that should have gotten him into the NFL, to be honest, and not at all biased.

Game's on tomorrow, 7:00 PM EST on Versus.

I Think There's Something Wrong With Me

So I watched that show Glee tonight between the Phillies game, and I actually wasn't repulsed.

I actually thought it was pretty funny.

The song choices were great. Bust a Move? That one from My Fair Lady is good, and they staged it well. But, I mean, The Thong Song? That's Genius.

Even the way they redid them wasn't offensive. By which I mean, in a manner blasphemous, but not odious like something fetid or festering.

And it's got football in it.

Which brings me to my main point.

My award for best use of football in a high school feature goes to The New Guy, to which I was hipped by my friend Mishael. The scoring to JT Money is brilliant. And the DJ Qualls as George C. Scott as General George S. Patton is absolute perfection, improved upon only were this un film di Mel Brooks. It's the best.

And, speaking of football in high school. Guy in Glee who's in charge of the Nike product placement. Get your friend who is in charge of the 7-11 product placement. Consider subtlety.

Civilization 2.0

Excuse me, passenger next to me in 17E on the 4:20 flight from LaGuardia to Memphis.

When we're all getting off of the plane, and everyone gets to turn their cell phones back on and send text messages or have conversations or whatever other telephone-based mania they have? Remember that?

I am with you on this part. I like to check in with people to tell them the plane's landed and to see what's going on.

But, if you and your husband are going to have some kind of spat about whether or not you're too worn out to go eat dinner with some of his family, would you mind terribly keeping it to yourself?

I'm tired, too. I feel you on that. We're all tired. We've been in a big metal tube for two hours being thrown through the sky at ludicrous speed breathing some kind of oxygenated atmosphere devoid of natural moisture drinking canned sugar fizz without the free movement of our elbows or knees after eating that sluice that passes for food at the airport.

The thing is, though.

None of us want to hear it.

At all.

Ever again.

Not only is it a drag to have to listen to, but it's uncivilized to exhibit your marital hiccups in public.

That's why they're called domestic disputes.

Because you dispute them in the domicile.

That's at home.

It ain't for the rest of us to hear.

I'm sorry you had to fight about it, though. Fighting is for the birds.

But please keep it to yourself next time.

Gorky at the PMA: A Question?

Full disclosure: I know the Curator of this show.

Everybody should go see the Arshile Gorky retrospective at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

Not only is Gorky an exceptional painter, who has all kinds of massively confounding combinations of ideas and manners (Cezanne, landscape, Cubism, Surrealism, and all sorts of other things which are constantly in resynthesis), but the paintings are super mega fun to look at. Even the late ones, which really give me the creeps. It's a great show. And another one of these shows that the PMA has been doing that really really make you see things differently.

But here's my question.

How do I square this guy with Yves Tanguy? Is there a link, or am I just seeing things?

Personal Foul. On the Guggenheim. Lacuna. 15 Yards.

When I was at the Kandinsky retrospective at the Guggenheim, the art within which I have already discussed, there was mention, on some of the wall text of the Gesamtkunstwerk.

If you're going to bring up the Gesamtkunstwerk in relation to Kandinsky, there's got to be more of everything. I appreciate the magnificence of the paintings and do not dispute their ability to carry an exhibition unto themselves, but, if you bring that up, you can't not have more of everything.

On On

Yesterday night I was trying to think about how post-language writing might manifest.

Don't ask me how or why. It just sort of happened. Dumb luck.

But, I think On Kawara's already figured it out.

Drawing a Line.

I refuse to care about the NHL until the Quebec Nordiques are reestablished.

I'm Going to Go Play in Traffic

Notre Dame 27

USC 34

Eagles 9

Raiders 13

Titans 0

Patriots 59, at the two minute warning

At least I got to see my wife this weekend.

By which I mean, I love you.

Way more than football.

Because you make me happy.

I'm even losing my fantasy game.

By exactly my age.

I need a hug.

I mean, c'mon, seriously, like, f'real?

Dear Mr. President,

Don't you have something else to do?

Aren't there better asses to kick?

Aren't people still homeless?

And without insurance?

And uneducated?

And getting killed all over the place?

You have better things to do.

You're better than this.

Let those idiots say what they want.

You're rubber, they're glue.

Get back to the business at hand.

By which I mean earning that Nobel Peace Prize.

Let me handle Fox News.

With hope and respect,

Adrian

The First Coming

I don't mean to judge, but anyone who does not go to the Guggenheim's Kandinsky retrospective is an idiot.

I'm going to make this really simple.

I am a professional Art Historian.

Kandinsky is the primary reason why.

The other is Leonardo da Vinci's Adoration of the Magi, so now you know what kind of standards I hold.

The Kandinsky show at the Guggenheim is so good that I not only talked to a total stranger halfway through the show, but one of the paintings actually made me fall over, and I felt my rear end tingle at one point.

I have no shame about this. If you don't have a similar reaction, you're not looking hard enough.

Here's the deal, for those of you that don't know much about Modern Art or Kandinsky. A lot of people would argue that the history of 20th century art revolves around the development of abstract painting. Even if you don't like abstract painting, hang with me.

There are a few people who bear some profound responsibility for this. Turner, Cezanne, Picasso, Mondrian. Kandinsky is right there with them. If not ahead of them all.

If you don't understand abstract painting, or think you don't understand abstract painting, this show will part the clouds for you.

See, Kandinsky is evidence of a few pretty exciting things.

Number one: Abstract art can be, should be, must be understood as a natural outgrowth of representational painting. Somewhere in the early years of the 1910s, Kandinsky manifests this development. You can see it happen. The pivot is clear and obvious. And perhaps the most exciting moment in the history of art that I have ever witnessed.

Number two: Artists are not born geniuses, they learn to be geniuses. Kandinsky didn't start painting until his 30s. He got sick of his day job and decided to be a painter. He had history-changing success. Maybe it was innate, maybe it was dumb luck, maybe he was in the right place at the right time. His right place, right time is a where's where of Modern Art--Moscow, Munich, Berlin, Paris. If it happened somewhere, he was there. Probably before anyone else understood what the hell was going on.

Number three: Painting is about visual and spiritual revelation. Kandinsky's two books Concerning the Spiritual in Art and Point and Line to Plane are the two best books I have ever read about painting, with the exception of Leon Battista Alberti's Della Pittura. I mean this quite seriously. Looking at a good Kandinsky is like looking into the face of God. It is an experience that lays bare the structure of the universe and leaves one with the impression that all is planned, all is logic, and all is resonant with all else.

Go now. Give up an afternoon of football. If I'm saying that, you know this is the real thing.

Go now.

Or you're an idiot.

Non comprende.

I'm clearly not a pantaloon engineer, but can someone help me out with this?

What the hell is the purpose of the button fly?

Un autre blogger named Matt Kirsch has also puzzled over this, but I'm utterly lost.

I've been roaming around all weekend wearing a pair of button fly pants that I love, except when I need to use it, as they say. I can't be alone in this.

Can someone fill me in? I'm absolutely at a loss as to why the button fly is the superiour option. Note that I presume the English like it betteur.

Maybe they didn't have zippers back in Levi Strauss's day?

Things that still make me go hmm.

One other thing that doesn't make me go hmm is this...I read Dan Savage fairly religiously. He's informative, educational, and hi-larious. He also recommends blogging at a bar, drink in hand. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm sitting here with a pint of Guiness while the Titans are on the way to being beat by 90 and the Iggles let the Raiders look like a real team. Actually, blogging at your local watering hole is really productive.

Students, if you make art with beer in hand, I will find out and it will not be pretty.

Consider yourselves warned.

Just because I believe in the weekend does not mean that I do not have standards.

Especially about art, which is infinitely more important than blogging about button fly pants.

I Do Requests

This one is for a certain loudmouthed librarian I know, who hasn't supplied me with any new yoga weirdness to talk about.

Well, we're T-minus 10 days until the kickoff of the only basketball season I really care about. Next Wednesday the Memphis Grizzlies begin their campaign towards mature mediocrity.

I'm beginning to think that I'm some kind of sports masochist. Eagles, Titans, Notre Dame, Grizzlies. Jesus, I just need to become a Pittsburgh Pirates fan.

Good trivia fact. Pittsburgh is the only city where all three teams have the same colors. Steelers, Pirates, Penguins. That's one of the reasons I'm ready to go to Pittsburgh whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Anyway, with the basketball season approaching, it is now time to focus on Memphis's fourth most important team. I'm putting Tiger b-ball first, Redbirds second, and third is a tie between Ole Miss and Vols football. Which is pathetic, cause the Griz are a local pro team and we don't have enough of those. Ahem, didn't build the Titans a stadium.

So, here's my thoughts about the Grizzlies, if only because they have a way better chance of being consequential than the Titans do these days.

Patience, grasshopper. That's my mantra.

See, the Grizzlies have a nice core going: OJ, Rudy, Conley, Marc Gasol (who I'd rather have than Pau anyway). And all sorts of promise elsewhere. Darrell Arthur, DeMarre Carroll, Sam Young, and that unbelievably tall future of the future named Hasheem Thabeet, who is gonna Thabeet every ball out of the sky this season. Plus, we just got Zach Randolph and the Answer, whose health is the biggest question right now. And, you know, I'm down with Lionel. I think he's on to something.

And we've got Hamed Haddadi, who is the only Iranian player in the league, which means that the Grizzlies are the future of world peace. If only he would've given me an autograph last season when I tried to get one after they beat the Suns. Hamed, buddy, I'm a fan. You gots to pay attention to the fans.

The core four looked very promising last year. OJ got tired down the stretch, which is a rookie syndrome, but Gasol and Conley both got much better and much more comfortable. If Gasol can get his average up to about 15 a game and Conley can start dishing with more success, we're on the way forward. And now that Zach Randolph's here, we can let Rudy shoot more and drive less. That'll help.

So, I'm not going to act like I can tell the future. I mean, I thought the Bengals were going to win today, which they didn't. But I think we might break even this season, which would be a 17 win improvement. But I think it's actually possible. They looked well improved down the stretch, and a lot of those games were actually sort of closeish.

I'm going with 41-41, if only cause it's a nice even number.

And, by the way, this post was by request.

I take requests.

Just not Dave Matthews Band or Celine Dion or the Cha-Cha Slide.

Cause they all suck. Worse than the Titans' secondary.

Allez les Griz!

I'm Not a Defensive Coordinator, But...

So, I'm at the Village Pour House on the Upper West Side, watching three games simultaneously, which is sort of like patting your head, rubbing your belly, and chewing gum at the same time. It's far more complicated than it looks. This is why John Madden is way smarter than I am.

Anyway, I'm not a defensive coordinator, but I do know a few things about defensive scheming.

The first thing I know about defense is that it wins championships. Op. cit. Baltimore Ravens January 28, 2001. Op. cit. Roethlisberger's first Super Bowl. Op. Cit. The first four Steelers Super Bowl victories.

And what I'm currently witnessing is that fat, lazy, inaccurate JaMarcus Russell dismantling the Eagles. While Tom Brady, stupid UM graduate, is simultaneously doing the same to the Titans.

I've never claimed to be His Majesty Buddy Ryan. Or the venerable Dick LeBeau. Or the Blessed Jim Johnson, but I know this.

If your secondary just stands around while anyone with an 80something on their jersey is holding onto a football, you're going to get beat. And if your linebackers are looking around for what to do, the play is already broke. And you will be too, once you get released from your team for letting the other team win.

Ever heard of closing on the ball?

Ever hear of tackling, Titans secondary?

Chuck Cecil, I'm talking to you. Sean McDermott, I'm talking to you too.

Here's what you do, in four down format:

1st. Put on the first DMX album.

2nd. Mix a little gunpowder, cayenne pepper, and paint thinner in a bottle. Shake it up. Give it to your players to drink. It'll make them mean, which is what you want.

3rd. Use verbs like destroy, emasculate, disembowel, demoralize, and finish with great frequency. At high volumes. You don't have to yell, but you have to get your players hungry. Remember what Lawrence Taylor said about playing like a bunch of mad dogs. If you're not in that zone of desire, you're wasting your time.

4th. Emphasize instinctive response. If you're looking around, it's too late. That's what film study is for. Am I the only one who saw Ray Lewis look Adrian Peterson in the eye, say "coming this way," and then stop him for a miniscule gain? That's what film study is for. You learn during the week. You execute during the game. Didn't Yoda say it best: "Do or do not. There is no try." Isn't it a title of a Roots tune: Respond/React? Don't make me say it a third time.

Jeff, Andy, I'm open to job offers. I'll work Special Teams, too, because they sure aren't pulling their weight today either.

VI

Well, after last week's demonstration of ineptitude, I'm going for broke. This week's a lot easier looking. Actually, I don't feel so bad about being so wrong last week anymore. Cincy-Baltimore was a surprise. Hey Ray, be careful when you decide to clean somebody's clock. Those were important yards. Cleveland-Buffalo was anybody's game. Somebody had to suck worse. Houston-Arizona was weirdly close and the New England-Denver went into overtime and the Jets-Fins games was a last second affair. I mean, I was totally wrong about Atlanta's dismantling of the 49ers, so I'll own that one. But we all know that predicting sports is a deal with the devil. Nobody knows what's going to happen.

Oh, and I miscounted. I wasn't 7-7. I was 8-6. I mismarked the Indy-Tennessee game. I marked it wrong because the Titans got handled, which was a loss for me, just not for my prediction. Trust me, students, I do not do the same on your exams.

So, I suck a little less than we all thought. I still have a winning record, which is not what I can say for the Titans.

Anyway, if only for consistency's sake, and because I'm on a bus with no desire to do anything professionally productive, away we go. Bear in mind that it's been midterm week at work, so my standard football info intake has been cut by about 12 hours.

Texans @ Cincy: I've drink/drank/drunk the Kool-Aid. I don't know how they do it, but these Cardiac Cats actually win. Everyone's healthy, they're at home and on a roll. And Houston is still inconsistent, despite the strides they're making. Cincy by 10, and not a last minute win.

Detroit @ Green Bay: I love the NFC North this year. But this one ought to be well in hand for the Packers. Detroit just isn't that good and, without Calvin Johnson, they're really in trouble. I'm not so concerned with the absence of Stafford, but Calvin Johnson's at least half of their offensive firepower. No dice. Cheeseheads by a dozen, if not more.

St. Louis @ Jacksonville: Well, now that that fat, loudmouth idiot is out of the picture, we can remove St. Louis from the list of cities I do not care to affiliate with. But, their football team still stinks like my cat's breath. And that wee running back from Jacksonville's been talking a whole lot of frustrated with his job, so he's going to have to put up or shut up. Look for a big day from the little man. Jag-u-ars by 14.

Ravens @ Vikings: Look, I love the Ravens. I think they're good enough to beat the Vikings. I just don't see it happening in Minneapolis. The Vikings are looking frightening, so this is going to be an uphill battle for the boys from B-more. But not since Jesse Ventura have I been so concerned with Minnesota's ability to fend for itself, so I'm going with the Favrings by 3. Look for an epic defensive battle here. One for the ages maybe.

Giants @ Saints: Ok, I know that the Giants are arguably the best team in football right now. But the Saints are at home, on that horrific carpeting, and hot as the day is long. Plus, they're rested. I just can't imagine that the Giants are going to be able to keep up. I still think they're the better team, but this'll be a scoring contest, not a question of overall superiority. Of course, if the Giants defense gets properly going, Mr. Brees could be in for a lesson in frustration. But I'm going Saints by 7.

Browns @ Steelers: I just don't think he's that much of a Mangenius. Maybe a Mansmartguy, but Mike Tomlin's a freaking prodigy. And his team's way more talented. And, if Palumalu's back in form, fuggedaboutit. He's gonna freelance all over Derek Anderson's pride all day long. And then he'll do the same to the most depressing Domer since Rick Mirer. Towel Terribility by about 14.

Carolina @ Tampa Bay: Christ, can anyone out there imagine something less interesting? I'd actually rather watch hockey. Panthers by 7, if only because of their running game.

KC @ Washington: I spoke too soon. At least Tampa Bay has cool uniforms. This game is going to be dullsville-o-rama-lama-ding-dong all the live long day. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Skins by 7 in the most unanticipated game since the Bob Davie era.

Iggles @ Jawbreakers: If the Eagles don't beat the living bejesus out of the Raiders, I'm going to cry. Everyone's on the field, the Raiders just plain stink, and November is around the corner, which means that December is too. C'mon gentlemen, let's start ensuring ourselves a spot in the playoffs. These victories will be important if the Giants don't self-destruct. Birds by 21.

Cardinals @ Seahawks: I think the Cardinals are going to win this one. Beanie's gonna get hot, Larry's gonna get hot, and I'm going to watch another game. Isn't it odd how the most electrifying team from last year's postseason has been so underwhelming this year? Cards by 10.

Titans @ New England: This is the sound of me dry heaving. I hate the Patriots. The Titans will lose by a lot, which will include their season, their dignity, and my emotional well-being.

Bills @ Jets: This one's for my friend Andre, who owns more Jets jerseys than the team does. The Sanchize gets back in form. I love "The Sanchize." Why can't my teams have such a cool phrase? Would you want Rex Ryan to yell at you two weeks in a row? I wouldn't. He might call his brother, and they might eat you. And that billboard about firing Dick Jauron is just plain hi-larious. Jets by 14. Minimum.

Broncos at Chargers: I'm going to be wrong about this, I'm sure, but I think the Chargers are going to pull it out. They're at home and their back is against the wall in that super weird AFC West. Chargers by 7.

I'm out. Getting close to the end of the bus ride. Happy football everyone.

Maintaining Civilization

Ok, point of order.

You there, Mr. Seat 16B on NW flight 504 from Memphis on Thursday, let me tell you a little story.

That arm rest is collective property. By which I mean, get your elbow the hell out of my personal space.

Now, I'm too polite to have made a big deal about it, but believe you me, I resented every second of your stupid elbow up in my business.

Here's the deal, there's this thing in the U S and A that we respect.

It's called personal space.

I paid a lot of money for the privilege of having my flight delayed by an hour and a half, of riding in a huge metal cigar with 300 people I don't care to socialize with.

Part of the social pact that we have here in my country tis of thee is that you don't get up in my space and I don't get up in yours.

This includes the arm rest.

Since there's only one, and there's two of us, we have to compromise. Where I'm from, this means that we both share it.

By not touching it at all.

See, if you use it, your elbow gets up in my ribs. If I use it, my elbow gets up in yours.

Notice that my elbow wasn't anywhere near your ribs? I did.

From here on out, let's you and me pretend that that elbow rest is sort of like the DMZ.

Next time you violate its sanctity, I'm going to go all sorts of Kim Jong-Il on that ass.

I come from a family of hard-headed Irish and impatient Hispanics.

You don't want any of this.

So, everyone out there in airplane land, let's make a deal like Monty Hall.

If you're on a crowded plane, do the person next to you the courtesy of leaving the elbow rest unoccupied. That'll assure everyone of their own personal space.

Think of the germophobes, agoraphobes, claustrophobes, and misanthropes.

By which I mean me.

So there it is. Agreed.

Happy flying.

I'm a Specialist in Mediocrity.

I believe I owe you all an apology.

My predictions for this week were of utter mediocrity.

I was 7-7.

This is pathetic.

Let it be said that I do not in any way endorse this act of repugnant underachievement. The authorial staff of this periodical believe to the utmost in performance at a higher level.

It is to be expected.

Allow me to apologize.

I am sorry.

What makes it worse is that I even tied my Fantasy Football game. And, if that weren't bad enough, I sat Donovan McNabb for fear of his fragility and he went out and put an old style 157.2 Passer Rating beat down on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. If I'd have played him, I'd have won.

Damn.

Sorry Donovan. I'll never complain about you being injury-prone again.

A Standard of Preparation for Public Speaking.

You have to be done before you start.

Kids. Don't Do This At Home.

My family is New Mexican.

Look it up.

If I ever get to start a street gang, I'm going to call it Gringos Peligrosos.

Cause that's sort of what I am.

A Dangerous Honkey.

Sort of.

In It To Win It

27 minutes till kickoff. I'm ahead of schedule this week.

Last week I was 10-4. I clearly can't predict a spread to save my life, but I'm practicing.

Because so many of you asked, here goes...

Week 5 NFL Predictions

Cincy @ Baltimore: It's spelled F-L-A-C-C-O. You can also spell it L-E-W-I-S. Just because Esteban Ochocinco's a hero of mine doesn't mean I'm stupid. Ravens by 14.

Cleveland @ Buffalo: I just can't believe in the Browns yet. Granted, I can't believe in the Bills yet, but Home Team advantage trumps incompetence, and I think T.O.'s fed up enough to have a big game. Bills by 7.

Washington @ Carolina: The Redskins are a mystery to me. They seem talented, but nothing ever works as planned. Carolina's just as big a mess. Here's my prediction. If Jake DelHomme hands the ball off, DeAngelo'll do the rest. Otherwise, it's anybody's guess. I want the Skins to win, just to get Campbells cajones off the charcoal. But you know, a Pick-6 is always a possibility, so who knows, but I'm saying Carolina by 3.

Pittsburgh @ Detroit: Steelers haven't won 2 in a row in a while. I don't care. Culpepper's a back-up and even though I'd like to see the vet get some of his 'spect back, it ain't gonna happen today. Black and Gold by a dozen.

Dallas @ Kansas City: Attention Comcast. Quit it with the Cowboys games. There's an Eagles game on at the same time. McNabb's back. Vick's still on the team. The Cowboys are a bunch of underachieving idiots, owned by a loudmouth, playing a bunch of underachieving midwesterners. I hope Dwayne Bowe has a huge game, so I can win my fantasy game. Saying this out loud is going to make me queasy, but Cowjerks by 10.

Oakland @ Giants: This is gonna be ugly. Even if Carr plays for Eli, it's probably not going to be worth watching. Giants by double digits. This could be the massacre of the week.

Tampa Bay @ Philadelphia: McNabb's back, the Philly phaithphull are going to want a new reason to toss him out of town, Kolb's been playing like a champ, Vick keeps talking about being a starter. McNabb's pride wins it by 10.

Minnesota at St. Louis: Rush Limbaugh is an ass. Any team that affiliates with him deserves to be skewered on a helmet horn. After last week, Favre's looking spooky good. And Peterson wasn't even on full tilt. This might be uglier than the Giants game. Vikings by 21, if not 35.

ATL @ San Francisco: I have no idea on this one. I haven't seen the injury report recently, either. But my gut tells me that it's going to be close, if not totally unpredictable. Don't believe me on this one, but I'm saying 9ers by 7, though it'll be the defense that wins it for them.

Houston @ Arizona: The Cards are in a funk, Warner's sort of injured, Schaub is still vertical and that damn Andre Johnson is looking like Larry Fitzgerald used to. Texans by 10. This might actually be their year for the playoffs, thought they'll have to send the Titans a card.

New England @ Denver: I'm totally bewildered by the Broncos. Good rookie, amazingly improved defense, and that coach actually seems to know what he's doing. But, Brady's Brady and I just don't see Denver's recent success trumping New England's sustained goodness. Here's that queasiness again. Patriots by 14.

Jacksonville @ Seattle: I don't even care about this game. I care so little about either of these teams, I'm not even sure who Jacksonville's QB is. I think it's Garrard, because I remember him lighting up the Titans, but he might be on the bench by now. And, I remember Seattle being sort of banged up. I vote Seattle by 7.

Indy @ Tennessee: I don't want to talk about this. Colts by at least 14.

J-E-T-S @ Miami: OK, I've taken the green pill. I'm a believer in the Jets, and this Braylon Edwards move will confuse people enough that it'll free up the Sanchise to do some interesting things with the rest of his weapons. And the Ryan defensive pedigree is enough. I'm calling it J-E-T-S by t-e-n.

Congrats to Dario Franchitti for winning the IRL Points Championship in an amazing season ending. And condolences to Scott Dixon, who I was hoping might make an argument for greatest ever. I'm really looking forward to the battle royale next year'll be.